The Awkward Family Functions

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Family functions. You know? the kind of  family you never see.

A few weeks ago i was invited to a night function at “ my cousins wedding “ You know the cousin you never see… Well i’m not really a people’s person. Hmm Maybe i haven’t worded that correctly, “ i like my own little bubble “ and i’m maybe a little socially awkward, i think. You see, i’m not a massive drinker therefore find it difficult to put a fake smile on, instead i look miserable and don’t act very sociable “ but is that my fault? “ I’m not sure…

Anyway, This function…

In the taxi on the way there i was thinking, what do i say to all these family members who i’ve not really seen for years? You know the aunties, uncles, cousins etc… Well me been me i thought just be yourself, everyone has their own lives, we don’t have to pretend to be sad about not seeing each other “harsh but true“


As i arrive and walk into the main door i was greeted by 3 family members that i never even recognised, first words was, owwww haven’t you changed? “ errr yes! Its been like 15 years … Next words to come out of their mouths, ohhh comeee here lets get a photo “Really are you taking the piss ? i’ve not even got in the door never mind a slackner in hand.

My plan went out of the window, i wasn’t me, i was a fake person who even i din’t know… Read on…

I agreed putting a fake smile on while still looking miserable but acting like i was over the moon to see them when really inside my body was crawling and i was cringing, i wanted out!!!! ( some face eh! )

After grabbing a drink from the bar i then go find the bride and groom, again putting that great fake smile on. Then comes ohh have you seen granddad ? No i replied! At this point i was thinking, i’ve not even seen him since i were like 10 years old and i’m now 30, where is he? What does he look like? I was really out of my comfort zone trying my hardest to wing it.

I did the rounds going around all the tables putting my wonderful fake smile on and pretending how much i’ve missed every one of them. WHAT A TIT I FELT, why couldn’t i just be honest with them?

If i was honest i’d say… Hiiiii, long time no see?  Have you been up to much? Alright i’m off now good to see you take care “even then i’d be lying”  Instead i sit there and be too faced and act like i’m loving every minute of it!

As it happens most of the guests have been at both the wedding and the night function so was getting tired and wanted to go home “bless their cotton socks”

After a few hours i could finally make my escape without saying the good-byes , i walked out of the door all smug thinking well next time i’ll see you lot again is another wedding or funeral?  Depending on which one things could be rather different 😉

All that said part of me wishes i did see my family more but people have their own lives and it’s just not possible. I’m really close to my immediate family “well almost all of them” so that’s all that matters..

Can you relate ? I bet you can….


My Haunted Past



I’ve been wanting to talk about my haunted past for quite some time but with such a subject it’s almost easier to keep it locked away then it is to talk about it. My story is 100% true and nothing is polished, twisted or dramatised , i really don’t need to…

As a young child growing up i lived with mum and dad, brother and sister in an old house in a city that dates back over 8000 – 7000 BC. it’s believed to be one of the most haunted cities in the world.

As i think back to my younger years the house was just your normal average looking house, there was nothing really special about it. With that said, id never imagined it would turn out to haunt me to this very day.

From around the age of 15 is when me personally started to experience strange unexplained things happening, noises, things going missing and then suddenly appearing again, i never really questioned it until….

One day i went to the toilet for a wee wee and in my right ear i heard some soft female voice say my name, now at this point i were starting to worry!!!  I knew 100% what i just heard and that wasn’t from “ our world “ That same evening i was having a sleep over with a friend and were recording music off the radio. Mother shouts up to turn it off, it’s getting late. I turned it off but not unplugged when all of a sudden the radio blasted out on full volume, safe to say mother wasn’t happy 😦 She came up stairs and unplugged the radio and moved it to the other side of the room when only moments later the radio turned on and static played from the radio. I’d say this was the first real sign something wasn’t right but mum and dad just dismissed it.

The next day i talked with mum and dad in-depth about all things that had happened to me,  i could tell they knew more than they were letting on and just dismissed it telling me everything was alright, i knew it wasn’t!!! A few days passed and everything was normal UNTIL one day i were sat in my bedroom playing on a scalextric with my brother when all of a sudden a hamster ball flew across our faces to the other side of the room, needless to say we both left that room pretty fast.

That same evening all the family was sat in the front room when we heard this huge bang, dad turned to me and said go see what that is son “ very brave of him “ i opened the living room door to find my sisters toy doll at the bottom of the stairs “strange?“ I was told to go put the toy doll back into my sisters bedroom and close the door behind me, so i did . . .

  • House layout

Open the living room door,  to your right was the stairs leading to 3 bedrooms,  my sisters bedroom you’d turn right at the top of the stairs. Her bedroom door opened inwards and behind that was a set of chester drawers, that’s where i placed this doll. I closed the door behind me and went back down stairs!!!!!

I return to the living room with the rest of my family when seconds later another bang, this one even louder than the last, this time dad jumps up opens the living room door and at the bottom of the stairs sat perfectly upright is this toy doll…. Obviously we couldn’t explain this and was all shaken up by what just happened.

That night we all decided the best thing to do was to sleep together down stairs, we talked into the night about whats happening within the house. Mum and Dad finally broke the silence and told us that they too had experienced unexplained things but didn’t want to scare us so said nothing.

For the next few weeks we all went to stay with family but soon moved back home, we couldn’t stay with family forever. Days after moving back home i woke in the night and as i opened my eyes i see an old woman looking over me, i quickly shut my eyes and put my head under the covers. I was so scared, i peeped from the covers to see if she was still there and she’d gone…..

A lot happened in that house and i could talk forever about it, i think writing part two would be a good option in the future.

This story does end with Mum & Dad selling the house, i often wonder if the new owners had the same experiences?

20 Years on and i still think of this house…. Number 21